Written By: Hope Azzaratta-Rubyhawk
Edited By: Morgan Marks
Part II: “Are we Forming or Storming?”
Did you miss Part I: “The Build Up”? Read it here.
The weeks that followed were both challenging and exhilarating. Although I had initially expected to perform the bulk of my work from my home office, now I awaited morning phone calls from Mark that meant I had to drive the fifteen minutes to the build site to take progress photos, clean up debris, drop off tools and materials, and check in with contractors to keep the work on the build site on track. Occasionally I would feel the light burn of panic beneath my skin as I searched the aisles of the hardware store or approached construction workers with inquiries. Would I be taken seriously? Could I project confidence despite my inexperience and *hopefully* sound like I knew what I was talking about? I already possessed the skill of keeping a thick skin when I wanted to, but now I was taking “fake it ‘til you make it” to entirely new heights.
Thankfully, the beauty of teamwork meant that I was never truly alone during this time. The future homeowners had begun participating in construction a few weeks prior to me starting my term and joining them, so they were already familiar with the initial tools and tasks needed to finish the home foundations. We also had Parker joining us for nearly every build day, who’s previous work in the construction industry made him an excellent resource. Mark and Jacob made the trip to and from Red Lodge many times over those first weeks – sometimes spending eight hours of their day in the car so they could get back to their loved ones in Helena that same night – all to ensure the continued momentum on building and to keep high spirits amongst the future homeowners. I knew the frequent travel wore on them, but it gave me a true appreciation for the dedication they showed to this project and the people involved, new and remote as it was.
My respect for Helena Area Habitat for Humanity continued to grow over those first weeks. Although I interacted with most of the staff members exclusively through Zoom and Microsoft Teams video calls, their kindness and positive attitudes were immediately refreshing. It was not long before I was able to shake off some of the new-job shyness and awkwardness of remote communication and begin to feel more at ease.
If anyone helped me feel like a valid part of the team capable of making a positive difference, it was Morgan. As my AmeriCorps Host Site Manager and my immediate supervisor, she was patient and encouraging as I learned to navigate the unique challenges of my position. Together, we plowed right through the strangeness of doing my training entirely over the computer and she approached any difficulties that arose with an upbeat and practical, “Eh, it’s alright…we’ll figure it out.” kind of attitude. Down-to-earth, kindhearted, and creative – Morgan is my kind of human.
The first day I met Morgan in person, she seemed larger than life with red hair glistening under the hot late-summer sun, beautiful tattoos up her arms, and notebooks spread out on the metal table in front of her. Over the last several months I have been amazed at the positive relationships that can be formed with nothing but a screen to communicate, but there is an unidentifiable aspect of people – an X-factor – that remains hidden until meeting them in person. Seeing her outside of Honey’s Café in Red Lodge after weeks of strictly two-dimensional interaction was somehow awe-striking.
We chatted that day about my reasons for becoming involved with AmeriCorps and my hopes for the future, and she handled my frank and sometimes overly honest personality with grace and good-humor. As time continued to pass over the days and weeks, I began to think of her as a mentor of sorts and more than once caught myself talking her ear off in our regular Teams meetings as I went through the initial struggles of understanding co-workers who I had never met and figuring out in what ways I needed and wanted to develop professionally.
The many conversations we had in those early days were of huge benefit to my growth, but one such chat seemed later to be almost a premonition. I mentioned to her how well everyone was getting along on the build site despite still lacking a Construction Supervisor and having recently dealt with multiple intense windstorms that wreaked havoc on the build site and surrounding neighborhood (Imagine a 600-pound wall panel lifting up and flying across the home foundations, only to land with a metal stake driven right through the middle of it — all while shredded bits of Styrofoam swirl madly through the air…). The last few weekends, most of us had even gone out to have a beer together after finishing our Saturday tasks at the build site. To my surprise, Morgan chuckled and shook her head. “Well, that’s good,” she said with a hint of irony. I must have given her an inquisitive look, because she went on to explain that most groups go through a series of phases: Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing, and Adjourning.
According to Morgan, we were still in the forming phase as a build team. We were getting to know each other and starting to feel comfortable together, adjusting to the work and expectations, and feeling optimistic about the current project and how things would progress over the coming months. While I saw the current joy and camaraderie as a sign of success, she saw it as a warning that we were right on the edge of the storming phase.
She was not wrong.
It might have been only the next weekend that metaphorical hell broke loose. The day started with excitement – we were going to be raising walls on one of the homes. It was to be the first big milestone that made what had previously been only concrete slabs start to look like the houses they would become. I was abuzz with positivity. Due to the unique challenges of this rural pilot homebuilding program, it had been uncertain whether or not the future homeowners would participate in putting up the exterior walls. We were using SIPS panels – energy-efficient wall panels that are made of thick foam insulation sandwiched between two large pieces of plywood and are extremely heavy. Lifting and placing them was going to be an involved process and would require the use of heavy machinery.
Yet at that time, we had a very active volunteer, Frank*, who was an experienced contractor and had stepped into a leadership role on the build site. He had been speaking frequently with Mark and was now guiding and overseeing build days. Progress had slowed down as Mark and Jacob searched for the best candidate to work as Construction Supervisor and it seemed as though we were all playing the inevitable waiting-game with hired contractors. Frank was eager to see the work on site pick up again, and so he had convinced Mark that we could handle putting the walls up as a team on one of the homes. I think we were all excited to do so, initially.
However, as we maneuvered one of the large walls it gradually became apparent that we were in over our heads. I remember feeling annoyed that I was having to nag everyone to wear hardhats, as I took Mark’s previous comments about safety to heart. Likewise, watching Terry Sue and Parker use a Bobcat and straps to move the weighty and swinging panel across the build site was making me nervous, but they were following Frank’s instructions and were the most confident among us, so I attempted to brush off my feelings of discomfort. It was not long before one of the future homeowners, Tanya, thankfully never afraid to speak her mind, began to make comments that she was uncomfortable. I felt stress start to burn hot in the back of my mind. Still, I reassured her that we would all be fine.
In a series of events that are now a blur, the wall was lowered onto the prepared edge of the foundation and the small group of future homeowners, myself, Frank, and Parker were standing on either side of it fighting to shift it into place and hold it upright while attaching a temporary brace to keep it secured. Tensions were visibly rising. Frank had stepped back from the heavy panel and was beginning to pace and speak harshly. While he was skilled in his craft, he was now dealing with performing a dangerous task while leading a group of people who had never done such a thing before. Despite his best intentions, it was beginning to wear on him. Tanya also became increasingly vocal, and Kristen looked uneasy. The wall trembled a bit as we finally anchored it into place. I recall taking a conscious look around at the faces in the group and having my gut struck with the feeling that we needed to stop immediately. There was a decided lack of confidence in what we were doing, and I was afraid someone was going to get seriously hurt.
As soon as it was safe to do so, I stepped all-to-eagerly away from the propped wall and called to everyone to pause and step back. With palpable fear and frustration in the air, I looked at each one of them pointedly and asked how they were doing. Tanya flat out stated, “I am extremely uncomfortable.” Kristen gave a characteristically diplomatic answer that indicated she also was feeling unsure but that she was willing to keep going, though the look on her face implied to me that she was also uncomfortable. Terry Sue and Parker, go-getters that they are, seemed more annoyed that we had stopped working than anything else. Frank admitted that he was incredibly frustrated and was not used to working in this way.
After assessing their answers and recognizing my own impressions, I left them to take a breather so I could hide in the tool trailer and call Mark. I felt strange and heavy – like I had failed somehow, but the only wise thing to do was to get in contact and tell him I thought it was neither safe nor good for morale for the group to continue working. He commended me for being aware and making the right decision, but I confess that I only felt worse as I approached the waiting team of three future homeowners and two volunteers and told them that we were going to call it quits for the day and give everyone a chance to recover from the high emotions. Awkward around me for the first time, everyone did their best to be gracious before making the walk to their cars. I overheard a few of them agree to head to the local taproom together, then I proceeded to get into my car, where I sat silently beside the build site for a long time…
*Name was changed to maintain privacy.